I have no reason to pursue what brings me joy in this life anymore. The woman I love is 100% convinced I'm something I'm not and after the way i treated her she's never coming back. I guess being true to your self and sharing your real feelings isn't respected in this modern world anymore. Maybe I should HIDE it when things bother me and PRETEND they don't bother me.... seems to work for everyone else out there. I really am alone in this world... because no one understands why I am so emotional or how I can love so much that it's misunderstood. All I have left is my son.. who even with her I still have no say over. Everyone tells me that at least I have him and to be a good father.... I love my son and will always be a good father to him...... when she decides I can do that. You see I am puppet.. I dance when I'm told to or else I'm a bad guy. I get accused of being a dead beat dad even when every single thing he's needed was provided by me... I never told her to leave she wanted this life for them... then she tells me I do all these things to myself. She doesn't doubt my love for her, she tells me that she feels safe around me, asks me to move in with her and my son when she gets a "place". But then she tells me I talk to much, I lie, I'm a bullshitter all because I can't read her mind and she won't talk to me. Her idea of me listening to her and respecting her is...
"Take me home NOW"
"Jen please.. don't be like this can't we please talk"
"I'm sick of talking you always keep on and on with the same crap"
"I can't help it.. I try not to say stuff but it's how I feel in my heart... I can't help that. I'll try to stop."
"No you had your chance I'm sick of it... take me home"
"Jen please I told you why I'm like this please don't be like that"
"Take me home".....

Thats about the way it always goes and if I keep on pleading with her or try to get her to stop being so cruel and open up she says I'm disrespecting her.. I tell her my feelings and she gets mad at me for being real and then she doesn't talk to me anymore. I disrespect her with my feelings I guess (love, hurt, forgiveness, reasoning, hope).. She always runs when she faces problems with me... I never ran FROM her I ran TO her. But what can i do.. she won't see me as anything better because she DOESN'T WANT TO SEE IT. I'm done with love and life.. I give in Jen.. I'll drag my pathetic ass till I die doing my best to be a part-time father as you move on with life. This is the life you doom me to.. I don't put this on myself. I was happy with you and our son and our life, it wasn't perfect but it wasn't terrible either. Maybe you can ignore or forget the good things and times we shared for 7 years... but I never will. Good bye everyone. You won't hear from me again.